When I went to the doctor I was desperate for help.
Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and I felt...
Relieved that it wasn't that I was just stupid or lazy or whatever else. There's actually a reason that I forget my keys and lose everything I touch.
Sad that I actually am broken. They say I'm not. But I don't think I'll ever not feel that way.
Hopeful that with an actual diagnosis I could figure out ways to function.
Hopeless that no matter how hard I try, I'll probably never be able to fully function like everyone else. It'll never be easy or natural to just clean up after myself, or remember things. I'll always have to have systems and reminders, and it will always feel like hard work to do the simplest things.
Grief for the 40 years of my life that I'd been struggling and not really even knowing it. How much different could my life be if I had learned tips and systems at a young age? I'll never know.
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